January 23, 2019 – A Crushing Loss

posted in: After Death, Grief, Widowed | 1

My beautiful, darling, Teresa died at 10:42 this morning.

We connected seamlessly from the very start and could talk for ages. Or spend time together silently just having each other’s company. We had our own jokes, amazing memories. No one ever got me so perfectly as the way Teresa did. We were always so in sync. If it had been legal to marry the day we met in person, we would have eloped.

She was still wanting to and trying to live. The hospital did so much wrong by her. We had to fight them every step of the way and they continued to see us as ridiculous — they didn’t have the skill to save her, so they steadfastly believed no one else could. They did so much harm to her.

The only doctors and NP that truly did right by Teresa Grabler were her FNP, Sally Blackburn, her oncologist, Dr. Tamara Musgrave, her cardiologist, Dr. Eduardo Fernandez, and her original surgeon, Dr. T.C. Greene. I will post more about that later, because even if I can never prove anything, people need to know.

I don’t know how to live without her.

Please, please don’t pray for us. I don’t like prayers. I don’t believe in prayers. They certainly didn’t help Teresa. Religion and prayers/being prayed for didn’t make either of us feel comfortable.

Please don’t tell me she’s in a better place, or there was a plan for her, or any of that. It is hurtful. And I cannot take any more hurt.

Teresa will be cremated. I will have something, a wake or… ? for her at a later date. The last thing I want is for anyone to have an accident trying to come in this awful windy, winter weather that keeps popping up. I will let friends & family know location(s) when I know.

Please, please take time to write down any good, funny, sweet, memories you have of Teresa. I tried to collect these while she was alive so I could share them with her, but I only ever got 3 stories about her. I still really want to make a memory book about my love, my soulmate. You can email them to me at amanda.grabler@gmail.com so I will have them to share. If you have photos too, it would be lovely.

I don’t know how to go on without her and your memories will help.

Teresa took care of me as much as I took care of her. She changed my life, always and forever.

I am crushed and devastated. I feel physically ill. 😭


I was also hurt that I was not given the option to be the first to post about her death on FB. One of her friends decided to post, although I’d asked people to wait, and then tagged me in it. I would still have posted that evening, but I wanted to make sure I got in touch with everyone who should not have heard it from FB first, and was not granted that opportunity. I believe that unless a person only has their friends in their life at the time of passing, no family, no spouse, and/or no kids, that friends should have the courtesy to wait to share such devastating news. I had to rush to write up a post I wasn’t ready to write yet. This compounded the grief and agony. 


Teresa and Amanda - Buffalo, NY 2012
Teresa and Amanda – Buffalo, NY – Looking for a place to have our wedding & reception. I think this was 2012.

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