How can it be 8 months? How can it be over half a year without you? Yet it feels like it has been 100 years without you. And it feels like I just lost you.
It’s really hard receiving mail addressed to “The Estate of Teresa Grabler”.
It’s really hard telling new people I’m a widow and being asked when my husband died, and sometimes, when I then show them a photo of us, they cannot understand what they’re looking at. Why am I showing them a photo of me with a woman after sharing I’m a widow?
It’s really hard making all the decisions about this house without you. I want your input. I crave it.
I crave your hugs. I miss the safety of your arms.
I miss having someone right here with me who cares, who will comfort me when I don’t feel good.
I’m not used to having low shelves in closets, so I banged my left temple into one this past Wednesday. It really hurt, but the initial hurt faded to be replaced with a migraine level headache that lasted for days. I love choir, which I had the next night. But singing with a splitting headache is really hard, and I wanted to come home to your comfort, and there was no comfort to be had. Who was I going to tell that would genuinely care? Who could provide any kind of comfort that I so needed. Need.
There are so many parts to being a single person again that are just heartbreaking. And it’s totally, totally different from when you’re a single person because you broke up with someone, or if you were broken up with; and you know that the other person is still alive, and after awhile, you can still talk to them, still confirm things with them. But I can’t. And there’s so many things I want to, need to ask you . . . and I can’t.
Songs for this post. Sometimes the songs I record and share along with these posts will make sense to you. Some may only make sense to me, but . . . anyway.
- Forever Love #1 (please pardon a few off-key spots; they’re where I couldn’t hold back the tears): http://www.singsnap.com/karaoke/r/c596a7f6b
- Forever Love #2 (where the tears are less obvious): http://www.singsnap.com/karaoke/r/b15f70763
- Time After Time: http://www.singsnap.com/karaoke/r/c4b9c056b
- Dream a Little Dream Of Me: http://www.singsnap.com/karaoke/r/c18a4667b
- To Make You Feel My Love: http://www.singsnap.com/karaoke/r/b6b087283
- Chasing Cars: http://www.singsnap.com/karaoke/r/bf772d0f3
- How To Save a Life: http://www.singsnap.com/karaoke/r/bf6e97d33
“I will keep the colour of your eyes until no other in the world remembers your name.” ― Peter S. Beagle, The Last Unicorn