November 14, 2019: Beginning of the end, 1 year later

A friend of mine recently shared the list below for couples to repost with their own info . . . . it made me sad. But I also thought I would share it here for you all to see a little bit about our relationship, especially if you didn’t see us much (or never met me, despite our efforts for me to meet T’s family). Especially since a year ago today (11/14/18 – 11/14/19) marks what was really the beginning of the end.

This was originally published on Facebook. I wrote it ahead of time, and scheduled it to post at the time (2:44pm) I started texting everyone on 11/14/18 to let them know T was being taken by ambulance to the hospital from the cancer center, and that at that time, her doctors thought that, at most, my beloved only had days (if that) to live. I had already given her Mom a heads up about 1 1/2 hours prior.

The hospital caused her so much unthinkable pain, torture, and trauma — it might have been better for her if “just a few days” had been true. 😭🥺 (She’d been in nearly as bad shape in 2017 and surgery saved her. But this time, no one would step up.) Every time the hospital pushed for hospice, she pushed right back and said, “I don’t want to die. Help me not die.” But they didn’t.

Relationship length: 10 years

Married: Just short of 6 years. If it had been legal, we’d have absolutely eloped the day we met.

Who’s older: Teresa

Age difference: 10 years

Who was interested first: Teresa – and it’s a funny story too!

Who’s taller: We were the exact same height.

Worst temper: Me on a lot of things, but some things… definitely, DEFINITELY Teresa. Especially after she got sick.

Most stubborn: EQUAL

Falls asleep first: Teresa. She had that magical ability to fall asleep anytime, anywhere, under any conditions. (Except while driving.) I practically have to re-read my old accounting textbooks to fall asleep.

Cooks better: Meals – Teresa, baked goods/desserts – Me (Trying my best to channel T’s kitchen skills these days…)

Most organized: Equally good depending on the task. But if it also involved planning? Then …..On our very first vacation, we’re nearly there when T says, “Hopefully there will be a cabin available!” I panicked. Then took over planning from thereon out.

We were both super organized for things like bills, but my system didn’t make sense to her and her system didn’t make sense to me. So we had to sit down and go over everything very, very carefully when it became clear that I was going to have to handle everything for the foreseeable future.

Better morning person: Neither. We loathed the morning!

Best driver: We were both good drivers, but no one could beat T’s ability in any big city! Always had great respect for her ability to drive in NYC, especially after I did it once when she was too tired!

Has the most clothes: Equal. Though… well, me now, I guess. 😔 I’ve been wearing a lot of hers.

Most competitive: Equal (You should have seen her play Rummikub!)

Most sensible: Equal

Most creative: Teresa probably would have said me, but she was amazingly creative in so many ways. She was WAY better with crafts! She did some of the artwork in the poetry book, Echoes, that I published several years ago. It’s beautiful.

Most compassionate: Probably equal, though cancer understandably changed things here, both positively and negatively. She became very disheartened by the lack of visitors (or calls/emails) (especially family and coworkers) the sicker she got (and the longer she was in the hospital) and very . . . vocally unforgiving about it. I have a lot to say about this, much of it from T’s own words that I found in voice recordings she made and pictures she saved, and stuff she wrote, but I’ve decided to save it for its own post at a later date. Or maybe for the book T made me promise to write. I haven’t decided yet. It’s very hard to write a book for someone who thought they’d be alive to see the finished product (but wanted it written either way).

Bottom line? Don’t wait until it’s too late to say how much someone means to you. And don’t assume they know how you feel about them; you’re probably wrong – they probably don’t.

Before she got sick, she’d stop to help just about anyone. I still want to help people, even people who don’t like me, even to my own detriment, because I want to believe the best of people, and see the best in people, even if they treat me like crap for it. I will give until I have nothing left for me.

Class clown: Teresa – she had such a great sense of humor. Even though it’s hard seeing our shared FB memories, I’m saving them all to a list so I don’t lose them. There’s been some great ones, like when I told her about Johnny Depp joining the Fantastic Beasts movie. After a long pause, she asked me, “Why would anyone want to find fancy beets??” 😆
(Absolutely no good reason that I can think of!)

Best housekeeper: Equal (Whether this was equally good or equally bad . . . 🤣)

We were actually really alike on a lot of things, which is a big part of what drew us together. Even when our relationship was new, we were already finishing the other person’s sentences, reading each other’s minds (to an uncanny degree), and so forth. We were in sync and in tune beyond belief, as if we shared one soul.

From Xena the Warrior Princess:

“Once, a long, long time ago, all people had four legs and two heads. And then, the Gods threw down thunderbolts, and split everyone into two. Each half then had two legs, and one head. But the separation left both sides with a desperate yearning to be reunited, because they shared the same soul. And ever since then, all people spend their lives searching for the other half of their soul.”

T was my other half, and she told me over and over that she knew I was hers. From the very beginning. ❤️💔

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