May 23, 2019: Four Months

Four months, Teresa.
Jan 23 -> Feb 23
Feb 23 -> March 23
March 23 -> April 23
April 23 -> May 23

An aeon.

Time moves so slowly and yet it feels like I lost you yesterday, still. Always.

I am hollow except the grievous, tight pain in my heart and stomach.

I love you, with all my heart, and all my soul, always and forever and ever, like we always said at night, and the end of any call, right from the start.

Sections of several songs have been on my mind the last 2 weeks or so. I’ve left out the lyric sections that don’t fit. (And there’s a link to a song I recorded at the end.)

“Maybe it’s intuition,
But some things you just don’t question
Like in your eyes, I see my future in an instant
And there it goes,
I think I found my best friend….

I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life,

I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life…

There’s just no rhyme or reason
Only the sense of completion
And in your eyes, I see
The missing pieces I’m searching for
I think I’ve found my way home…”
[Savage Garden, I Knew I Loved You]

“I love you, always forever
Near and far closer together
Everywhere I will be with you
Everything I will do for you
I love you always forever
Near and far closer together
Everywhere I will be with you
Everything I will do for you”
[Donna Lewis, I Love You, Always Forever]

“Not a day goes by I don’t think about you
You left your mark on me it’s permanent a tattoo
Pierce the skin and the blood runs through
Oh my baby

The way you move it’s right in time
The way you move it’s right in time
It’s right in time with me”
[Lucinda Williams, Right In Time]

“The broken clock is a comfort
It let’s me sleep tonight
Maybe it can stop tomorrow
From stealing all my time
I am here still waiting
I still have my doubts
I am damaged at best
Like you’ve already figured out
I’m falling apart
I’m barely breathing
With a broken heart
That’s still beating

In your name
I find meaning
So I’m holding on, I’m holdin’ on, I’m holdin’ on
Barely holding on to you”
[Lifehouse, Broken]
“One of us is crying
One of us is lying
In her lonely bed
Staring at the ceiling
Wishing she was somewhere else instead

One of us is lonely
One of us is only
Waiting for a call..”
[ABBA, One Of Us]

Here’s the recording I made of “My Heart Will Go On” in the middle of the night. I don’t know what the clicking is in the beginning. It’s not part of the track and it wasn’t in the room with me. T visits sometimes though and … nearly everything I’ve read says “spirits mess with electronics,” so …. After one really bad night where I cried so hard I couldn’t breathe, a silly fantasy horse app where you care for the horse — there’s not much to it but the graphics are beautiful — installed itself. Even free apps I have set that I have to put my password in to download, and it’s complex.

I have *never* heard of the app before, but it’s just the kind of thing T knew I would have liked looking at and that would be distracting without having to do a lot of thinking.

Anyway, here’s the song.

Photo is from a few weeks post-op, September 2017. I took it outside our apartment. Please don’t take it or re-share it. Thank you.

Teresa, Sept 2017/Post Op – Abingdon Apartment in New Outfit

One thought on “May 23, 2019: Four Months

Leave a Reply

Recent Posts

Posts From the Caregiver